Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
