Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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