You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
