Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
