You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
