then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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