How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
