i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
