Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize