Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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