I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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