My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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