Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
