What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
