I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
