sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
