apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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