Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
