No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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