I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
