Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
