I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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