One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
