so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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