Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I forget how to act sober
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
