my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
should my penis look like a turkey
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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