Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize