Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
