He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
