so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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