Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
