he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
