I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
