so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
