he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
