Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
