Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
