Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
