y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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