...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
