Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
