woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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