apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
