I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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