every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize