Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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