Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
