I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
