literally had 100 drinks last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
