I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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