Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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