Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
