That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
