i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
