He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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