i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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