I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
