I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
