did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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