All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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