yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
