So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
