You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
