Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
