sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
