so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
