i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
