you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
