I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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