Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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