two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
