I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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