woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
