Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
