I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
