I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
